As a child you feel as though you have no voice, you are so scared to speak out that something horrible is happening to you. You keep thinking that it’s your fault, that you caused it on yourself, that you are the reason for the preditors to come on to you. You feel as though you welcomed them into your life so much that they felt comfortable doing the things they did. Even though you wanted to stop it, it was so hard to do because they were bigger than you, you had to respect your elders, your family wouldn’t believe you because it was a close friend or family to you. Your fear just kept going on and on and on for days, months and years, about how to continue your life with all the pain, those sleepless nights, those horrible nightmares, the emotional stress behind it. The horror was seeing them every time, facing them all those years without a way out. The memory kept coming over and over again, making your life much more harder to face each day.
It was like carrying a burden with you for so many countless years, a heaviness on your shoulders, a stain on your soul that didn’t seem to wash away. It was so unbearing to carry around. Your trust decreased and you found yourself trying to find love where it was not supposed to be found. You started thinking suicide thoughts, how can you get out of this evil world, the world that has no purpose for you, you started cutting yourself with razors to get rid of the pain in your mind and heart, many times you put a knife pointed at your belly button just to punch it and bleed to death. You felt that your life had no worth, you weren’t important, It felt like you were a target to those preys, you thought you were going insane, knocking your head on the walls trying to kill yourself.
The smiles and laughs of those preys just got to you, they made it seem as though they were so innocent, they were not committing any evil act towards you,they made it look as though they were your protectors instead of your preditors.
Growing up became hard and much difficult, you started doing things that had ruined your life for years. You were not focusing in school, you were looking for love outside of your home, you were pretending to be someone you were not. You started to do things of the world.
When you were not getting attention from your peers you felt as though those preys took your beauty from you. You felt as though you were seen as a used up piece of junk. You cryed yourself to sleep trying to wonder what you were missing? Why don’t any one your age pay any interest in you?
Years had passed and you still felt the pain of those men/women touching you in your gentle parts. You still felt the pain of being raped by someone who knew you, and you still felt the pain of the first time it started at your tender age. After all these pains you find yourself questioning God. Asking him,
- Where were you when this was happening to me?
- Why did you make these men/women advantage me?
- How come you did not send help for me?
And many other unanswered questions we ask.
But God never leaves you alone when u keep praying to him and asking him to be in your favour. He will have a plan ahead for you. You just need to find him and hold on to him. His word will give you that freedom u wish to have. I found my husband who was and is a Christian. He loves me for who i am. He supports me all the time. I have given myself to Christ and i have gotten the comfort i was looking for all these years. When you go through these memories and pains, turn to God and he will comfort those pains. So when u feel like giving up remember there is always hope and someone to turn to, someone who will give you that comfort u so desire. He can be your friend, your mate, your love, your hope, your Almighty Father whatever u want him to be. I have gained the strength from him to speak out, to face my fears. I hope u find your inspiration in my post and hope for your life to become better and for you to feel more worthy.
😇Milz- worthy is your name Jesus…if you find interest in the article you can like or comment below, thanks….